December 15, 2014
Dear Sterling,
I’m not usually a procrastinator, but I have been putting
off writing this letter. You see, not
quite a month ago we had to say good bye to you. I haven’t let myself deal with it. I haven’t been able to in the busyness of
life with 4 little ones. I know I need
to deal with it. But, I don’t want
to. This season of life is so busy that
it has almost been easy to put it out of my head. And, our house is NEVER quiet. Its always loud and busy and chaotic. Except at night time. When everyone is sleeping and the house is
quiet and I get up to feed Cooper. Then
it hits me like a freight train. . It’s
so unbearable that’s it’s almost overwhelming. I really would rather not deal
with it…just keep finding things to do to keep busy and to keep my mind off of
it. But, I know I need to, so I am
forcing myself to sit down and face it.
It probably seems silly to most people to write a letter to a dog, but
that’s ok. I don’t mind looking
silly. I just have to let you know how
very special you were. To all of us. I don’t ever want to forget how much you
meant to our family. I know I don’t need
to tell you how much we loved you. You
knew. Of course you did. And you loved us back with the same
intensity. I can’t tell you how many
people made the comment , “Boy, that Sterling sure loves ‘her people’.” You adored us every bit as much as we adored
you.
You were the cutest puppy Sterling. We had never seen anything so cute. Sure, every pup is adorable, but you were
beyond cute. As you grew, you only got
more beautiful. You were a show stopper,
especially when Jer drove you around in his convertible! Everyone always stopped wanting to pet you and find out more about you.
You were our whole world and from the very beginning, you
made it very clear that you were a part of the family and you would not be left
out. And we were fine with that. We were all happy to take you everywhere with
us. When you weren’t with us, something
was missing, and it was never as much fun.
That’s why I’m not really sure how we are going to get along without our
sweet Sterling. There is a huge void
without you. When Jerry pulls up in his
car and that little head and perky ears don’t pop up in the back to greet us,
it’s just not the same. When we go to
his house and we don’t hear the clicking of your nails following us all over
the house, it feels like we are in the wrong place. There’s no blanket on the couch and no dog
bed by the fire and I don’t even know what to do with myself. I don’t know how we are going to get through
our 1st Christmas without you.
You loved putting on your pretty Christmas collar, sitting in the middle
of it all, helping to unwrap the presents, shredding the discarded paper into
teeny tiny bits and unraveling all the bows.
It’s a bear knowing you’re not here to do that this year. I kind of just want it all to be over
with. My heart just isn’t in it. But, I will put a big, sloppy smile on my
face and do it for the kids. That’s what
parents do. And, I suppose, that’s what
you’d want us to do too.
I was dreading the weeks getting closer to your 12th
birthday. Jake made it to his 12th
birthday and passed away 3 weeks later.
I remember trying to convince myself to relax and thinking “It’ll be ok,
she is doing well, she is still perky and healthy despite her diabetes.” And then 3 weeks later, Jer woke up and found
you at 5:30 am lying in the grass in the freezing cold. Seems like a cruel joke. Or a cruel coincidence. I don’t know which. I do know that we weren’t prepared for
it. None of us could imagine having to
say goodbye to our pretty girl.
I am thankful that we had you for 12 amazing years
Sterling. I just want to thank you for
everything. Thank you for being the best
girl we could ask for. Thank you for
that irresistible personality. Thank you
for putting all those smiles on our faces over the years. Thank you for finding the strength to fight
through complete blindness and diabetes
and for coming back to us. We were so
blessed to have you for those extra
couple of years. Thank you for that
adorable little “stub” that always let us know how happy you were to see us. Thank you for sticking around to see all of
our babies born. Thank you for being
such a bright light and for being the heart beat of our family. Thank you for giving 100% of yourself to
us. Always. Just, thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being ours. For letting us all share you. And love you.
Thank you for “picking” us 12 years ago.
What a ride it was.
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